The Trembling Hand
by saywhat.ROn n h3rmione
Summary: RANDOMNESSSSSS Ron and Hermione overcome all obstacles including severe nostril flaring problems brought on by harry. tampons....awkward sensations..... grays anatomy...snot bubbles of wisdom and fortune...yeah, you cant pass this story up.
1. when freshmen friday happens on monday

1Once upon a time in a faraway mysterious land there was once a school. This was not a normal school. It was a school of witchcraft and wizardry. It was known as Hogwarts.

Hermione was obsessed with Ron. Ron was obsessed with Hermione. Harry was obsessed with flaring his nostrils and he practiced everyday in the mirror for at least two hours. Anyways, Ron and Hermione liked each other, but they did not tell each other. And this is a day in the life of Hermione...

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was an extremely extraordinary day, full of wondrous happenings. It all started last night when I went to bed. I had many dreams about Ron, but that is not different from any other night. The difference was, I had a bad nightmare about Ron, but yet somehow, somewhere in my heart I knew everything was going to be okay. _

_In my dream my school was randomly taking a trip to a town called Schmehville. It was a glorious town. We explored the entire town. Our hotel had a hot tub. Mhmmmm. Now this is where it got interesting. You see I shared a room with Harry and Ron, but Harry was busy with Ginny ( He also snuck out to the bathroom for a few minutes to practice flaring his nostrils). Ron and I decided to go n chill in the grill, a.k.a., the hot tub. So I got in my new bikini and Ron randomly wore a Speedo (but it was a hot Speedo!). _

_We had been chilling in the grill for a while when suddenly, the song Grillz by Nelly featuring Paul Wall came on, and of course Ron asked me to dance, so we danced the Gangsta Waltz as I sang along. _"**What it do baby, Its da ice man paul wall, I got my mouth lookin somethin like a disco ball" **_ All I can say is, he has some mad skills in the hottub(dancing). Halfway through the song I excused myself so I could go do the laundry n give it to my cousin, I also wanted to powder my noise and apply tinted moisturizer to my t-zone._

_As I reproached the hot tub area, there was an unbelievable scene. Ronald, my lover, was kneeling on one knee. He had a shimmering circular object in his hand. As my heart skipped I realized that it was a ring of engagement! As I drew closer to Ron his trembling lips parted, as he said, "HERMIONE! We have known each other for quite a while, and I just wanted to ask, _**WILL YOU MARRY..."**_ BOOOMMMMMMMMM! In a flash Ronald was gone. He had blown up Grey's Anatomy Style! _

_That was when I woke up. I was devastated! My heart was in a heavy fashion, it felt like 3224732847q294829484 pounds of raw chicken. Then it all hit me! I was DR3AMING! It was a dream! But dreams can teach lessons, as Mary Poppins once said. I learned that if I wanted Ronald Weasley, I would have to step up to the plate and do something about it!. I decided that very day I was going to confess my love for Ron to him. That's what my muggle g-ma always said that you had to do. Boy was she a gansta! That was just the start of my extraordinary day full of wondrous happenings...but I must go shave my arm now...I am doing an experiment to see if your arm hair really keeps you warm._

So you can see that Hermione's day had started out well, minus Ron blowing up Grey's Anatomy style.


	2. Changing the battery of the fire alarm

1Harry was walking down the corridor towards the boys' dormitory, he was very pleased with himself because he had just taught Ginny Weasley how to flare her boogery red-haired nostrils. He was at the bottom of the stairs when he heard a squeak. Curiously he followed the continuing echos of these squeaks.

Finally after wandering aimlessly around many halls, Harry found what was conjuring the noise. Harry peered around the corner of an empty classroom, and what he saw bewitched, bothered and bewildered him. Ronald Weasley was moaning as he was making out with a picture of Hermione.

Harry was taking aback, lucky for him, at the time that he witnessed this occurrence he happened to be wearing a pull-up, so no one saw that Harry had let out a little trickle. It was actually Hermione's idea when she found out Harry's little problem, o boy did it come in handy, especially when it came to the matter of his best friends love life.

After Harry had gotten ahold of himself, his emotions, and his minimized bladder, he walked up to Ronald. Ron, deep in concentration did not notice Harry had arrived at the site of love. So Harry went up to Ron and godsmacked his white ass.

In a sudden fit of confusion, Ron dashed under the bed. He was partly confizzled of where Harry had come from, and because his bra had just snapped. But...this bra was not any bra, it was Hermione's bra. He had paid Ginny and extravagant amount of cash on the spot to steal this bra from Hermione in the dead of the night. Ever since this occasion he hasn't taken it off, not even in the shower.

"Ronald Weasley, wtf I thought we had a signed agreement when it came to matters of the heart, a.k.a. your bubbling factor of lust for Hermione McNugget Granger." pushed Harry.

However Harry's words meant nothing, for Ron was fast asleep under the bed. Unfortunate to all within the perimeter of fancies, Ron is not one to silently slumber, for he is a victim of talking in the sleep.

At that precise moment, the red-headed Weasley was singing, a jammin tune. It went a little something like this: **I'm in luv wit Hermione in the tune of "im in luv wit a stripper twitch twitch and I'm so sick of singlocity in the tune of "so sick"twitch twitch Tryina catch me ridin' Hermione((to the tune of " Ridin' Dirty)) twitch twitch A Hotter touch, a better fuck /In the tune of " Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off"**/

Harry turns and leaves, he is embarrassed that Ronald was his friend, and the fact that Ginny, hours how to flare her nostrils, could flare hers better than he could flare his.

Ronald wakes up hours later in a sudden fit of rage. All of these dreams, all of these feelings they were all becoming as clear as the crisp morning sunlight on a winter day, through the wings of a brunette headed angel who happened to be sitting in a corner of Starbucks, chatting merrily with the lord Jesus Christ, a.k.a. Slabin. Ron realized now that he must tell Hermione of his feelings for her body, also he was warm for her form, he was a bee and she was a flower, and boy was he thirsty for some nectar, she was quite the hottie with the body, he had the hots for her tots if you will, and most of all, Ron admired her big toe on her right foot, named pat.

Ron soon feel into a mystical thought. As he was in the mists of the wild daydream involving Hermione holding a plate of sausage, he accidently sneezed and started blowing snot bubbles of a variety of colors. On each snot bubble just before it popped Ron got a glimpse into the life of Hermione. Into her thoughts, her dreams, her actions, her digestive system, it was all clear, Ron needed to tell Hermione about his burning passion for her.

_Little did he know that Hermione was having thoughts in a synonym fashion._


	3. Horizontal Stripes make you look FAT!

As the sunlight from the sun fell upon the sleeping form of Hermione, it all became clear. The time of month had come early. So early that the early bird was still sleeping and the worm was playing cards with the next door neighbor. Not only did her long johns appear to be soiled but also the sheet that lie beneath them.

This would not be a problem if Harry had not stolen Hermione's emergency carton of tampons. (He was practicing flaring his nostrils with them, to get his nostril flaring ability to an ultimate level). Thus, came and end to that particular box of tampons.

Ron was in the corner of the common room memorizing the name of the gummies (they were Monsters Inc. gummies) because he wanted to tell his mother to buy him some so that on his return during the winter break, he could enjoy the fruity goodness some or many.. when he remembered the breakfast reservations he has made earlier in the year.

"You're a crazy bitch, but ya fuck so good im on top of it" went Hermione's phone as someone gave her a ring. It was Ronald of the Weasley clan, calling to inform Hermione of the breakfast reservations he had made in the Great Hall. It was at the Gryffindor table. Only the Gryffindors could sit at the Gryffindor table. Well anyways, Hermione answered the phone with a shrilling shriek. She had realized that the wetness of her trousers was NOT the pleasurable sort (the pleasurable sort being that of a wet dream) but the BLOODY sort.

"Ron, be a dear and run to the store..Harry used my last tampons , it was another one of his crazy days, and I have accidently acquired my monthly visitor, and I so badly desire the large and long tampons because my wide set vagina needs them dearly"

"O Hermione, a wink is as good as a nod to a blind badger, I will be back in a jiffy"

"Thank you sex god..o I mean, umm...Ron, my platonic friend"

Ron quickly grabbed his overcoat made out of silkworm diarrhea, and ran out the door. He dived over the electric fence swam through alligator infested waters, skied down the valley, hang-glided over the mountainous terrain, and walked across the street just to get out of hogwarts; the school of witchcraft and wizardry. Then he took a bus downtown... southside, where the real adventure began.


End file.
